Well, we're still waiting. But we've found out that the SDA has been reviewing dossiers for 2009 adoptions since Oct 14th. I've heard of several families getting the word that their dossier is being reviewed, which is exciting and depressing at the same time. Things are progressing, yet I haven't heard a thing :( For some reason this week has been tougher than most. I keep seeing friends who are pregnant and their small children running around and wonder why God chose me to be the one to jump through hoops to become a mom. Is He protecting me from something? Will I be a terrible mother? Why me? God is using this time to prepare me for motherhood-the business, sleeplessness, and exhaustion from constant correction-but it's so hard to accept the answer "Not yet".
In my Bible study, we're studying the life of Moses. Life wasn't easy for the Israelites while they were in the desert. They had to trust the Lord for their provisions. Yet the Lord always answered. My focus is on the not grumbling part because I know that this process is going to glorify God somehow, in some way. God IS providing for me, but not the way I want Him to provide. Right now I feel like giving up and throwing in the towl. Can I make it 6+ more months? Do I have the strength, or patience to wait or discover there are no children for me to adopt?
This is where I take a deep breath and repeat over and over again "God is in control. God is in control." I settle a bit after that, but it still takes time to drag myself up from the pit of dispair. Will it ever happen? (grumble grumble)
Outside of my little pity party, life has been pretty terrific. I have a friend who just got engaged. I started praying with her at the beginning of last year for a husband or for her heart to be content with being single still. And low and behold, she met her man less than a year later, they started dating in June and are now getting married next June! How humbling to see such a direct answer to a prayer.
My job is still great. I'm really enjoying the customer service, and being able to see the newest shoes coming in. How fun! And our candle fundraiser raised almost $1,000! This is a great help to us. Thanks to all of you who purchased a candle! We put the money towards a loan we took out to cover some of the latest costs. Our second fundraiser has been put in to motion, which is perfect timing. November is Adoption Awareness Month, so I'm hoping people will be more generous. I've also looked in to doing a few fundraisers at restaurants. We'll see. Ultimately, it's all in God's hands.
Not much else is going on. I volunteered this morning for the Mom to Mom Bible study and was challenged by one of the children. I was in the 3 year old room this morning. While helping a child put a puzzle together, I overheard a sweet conversation between and boy and a girl:
Girl: Super Boy, will you help me with my puzzle?
Boy: Sure...I'm Super Boy and I put puzzles together!
Girl: Did you ask Jesus in to your heart?
Girl (with ashen face, mouth wide open, eyes as big as the moon): You have to. You won't be able to spend forever with God if you don't.
Girl: You should ask Him in to your heart so you can live with Him forever in Heaven. Jesus is your friend.
Boy: My friend? This piece goes here.
It was darling! And I thought about how timid I am to share my faith. Even in the small things, like telling strangers that God led us to our decision to adopt. How simple it is to tell others about Christ, yet we are bound by the desire to be liked, or to not offend. I'm praying for boldness for Christ because I believe we are steps away from Jesus return and if that is the case, I wish to carry a train full of friends and family members with me.