I have knots in my stomach filled with pins, needles, surgical knives, etc. Sweat is pouring down my neck and I'm having a hard time not bursting the dam of water being held by some powerful tear ducts. My heart and my mind are racing. Tomorrow he's going to reject me, hate me and never let me love on him again. If I take him to the pediatrician, she's going to say "What were you thinking? Have you gone mad? You've scarred him for life and he'll never be able to function normally!" She recommends I see a therapist, who utters that same thing. Then my mind settles a bit as I realize my ears aren't ringing with that piercing noise anymore.
All because I let him cry himself back to sleep instead of jumping up at his first wimper. Sigh. That was my 4am-4:15am. Eli woke up and started calling for me. It broke my heart to hear him say "Momma. Momma, come. MOMMAAAAAAAAA!" I decided to remind him that I was still here, so I went in to the room, gave him a kiss, rubbed his back, told him I loved him and Good night and walked out again. I stood by the door for a few minutes before gently walking back to the couch.
This morning we had cuddle time while Papa got ready for work. It lasts almost 30 mins. He just looks at me with those sweet eyes and smiles while saying "Momma" over and over again. I even got the sweetest and tightest hugs from him. Amazing :)
His nap today was a bit of the same thing. He only cried for a few minutes, got out of bed once, and he was out for almost an hour. I made him sleep more when he woke up because he isn't feeling well. He's complained that his stomach hurts for the past two days now. I think it's the adjustment to the new foods he's been eating. His poor tummy isn't used to fresh fruits, veggies, or milk products.
We went to the mall today and played in the play area with lots of other kids, some older, who were quite rambuncious. But he did great, only falling hard once, getting back up and playing instantly. He also made sure he could see me, or at least knew I was there, throughout the 45mins. And that is a great sign :)
I've posted a few videos that capture his charming personality. He has this way of imitating you in the cutest way, and then smiling his sweet smile when he gets caught. He's all boy, that's for sure!!
Eli will come up to me with this very serious almost worried look on his face. I've come to recognize this look, since I get it often. I'll ask him if he has a poopka...this is his response.
We weren't sure what Eli would do with fries and katsup. But he wanted to try it since we were eating it. This moment was captured especially for my sister in law, Wendy.